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Welcome to the Benson’s adoption journal. Follow us on our adventures as we travel to Karaganda, Kazakhstan to adopt two children from an orphanage there.
We’ve been having a lot of fun working together on this. While I (Ken Benson) have been doing most of the writing, Anna has been doing most of the picture work.
This is an early effort at the website thing, so go easy on us—better yet, send us some feedback (adoptions at pegtype dot com). So you want to see pictures? We have lots of pictures. Use the “Page” links at the top of the page.
Yes, we haven’t left yet. Haven’t even gotten our tickets yet. Right now we’re waiting for our “number” to come back from the Kazakhstan government. Our papers are there, and as soon as someone there approves everything, Katerina at Panorama Travel will send in our adoption visa applications and help us get airline tickets. Hopefully, this will be soon. We’re still planning on a six-week trip beginning sometime around April 15th.
We’re very ready (or, at least, as ready as two people who don’t have kids can be). We’ve got the crib and the little bed set up, we’ve been researching car seats, and we’ve bought a money belt. What else is there?
Our departure date has been moved up: We now have tickets for Tuesday night, March 30, tentatively returning on May 12. I got the last of the apostilles, Ania rounded up clean hundreds from four different banks, our adoption visas are on the way, and the babies’ room is mostly ready. Ania made curtains (see pictures), and I’m supposed to be making shelves in the closet now (okay, okay, I’ll get to work).
This is our last post before leaving. Our flight leaves tonight at 8:30 and arrives tomorrow late at night in Almaty. We spend the night in Almaty and the next evening fly to Karaganda, so we should be at the orphanage Friday morning. Look for a new post sometime over the weekend!
We met up with Bill and Collette Wade at JFK and flew overnight to Frankfurt. We flew on a 747, in the second to last row, which was kind of nice because the body of the plane narrows in the back, so we got two seats to ourselves along with some extra luggage space on the side (instead of a third seat). The flight was uneventful, except for my nervousness about the one-hour layover in Frankfurt. Good food on Lufthansa.
Ania took a few pictures from the plane for her mother because she enjoys those views. We landed in Frankfurt about 15 minutes late, but we were still able to make our connecting flight to Almaty. As soon as we got to the Almaty gate, the plane started boarding, so we didn’t see much of the Frankfurt airport. Our return trip should have a longer layover, so maybe we’ll get a chance to explore a little.
At the gate we met Shirley Glindmyer, also from the Albany area, but she took a different airline to Frankfurt. From there, all five of us boarded the plane. We could tell we were going someplace exotic...this was the first point on the trip where we looked like the foreigners.
After a nice uncrowded flight we arrived in Almaty at about midnight, went through passport control and got our luggage—well, most of our luggage. Two pieces (the two that mattered the least) stayed behind in Frankfurt. After going through customs, where we were asked to show our cash, we met up with Almaz and Baurzhan, our escorts in Almaty. Almaz is an economics student, and Baurzhan is studying law. They drove us to the hotel, got us registered, and left us to get some very much needed sleep.
Tomorrow we complete our journey with an evening flight from Almaty to Karaganda.
In the morning we got to see the mountains for the first time. Gorgeous snow-covered mountains in the morning sunshine. The view of the mountains was hazed by smog, Almaz says caused by car emissions. In spite of the pollution, the sheer height of the mountains was impressive (see pictures).
Almaz says that the Hotel Almaty elevators are “the smallest elevators in the world”. It turns out these are normal size—for Kazakhstan. Slightly bigger than a phone booth, they can squeeze in about three people, but don’t try to hold the doors by sticking your hand between them—they close anyway! Bill graciously posed for us in the elevator (see pictures).
We had a few hours free before the flight to Karaganda, so Almaz and Baurzhan took us for some sightseeing. The driving here is like navigating a boat on a crowded river—no lane lines, lots of pushing, whoever is more determined gets the right of way, but nobody seems to be hitting anybody either. The variety of cars is interesting—everything from old Russian cars made in the 50s to brand new Hummers.
Our flight from Almaty to Karaganda was the perfect stereotypical characterization of the post-Communist idea of “service”. On the one hand, it looks really bad, but on the other hand, it got us there, and we were surprised by being served food. Good food, and on a 2 hour domestic flight too.
My generalizations here start with the line to get on the plane. People in Communist countries figured out lines a long time ago, and they really know how to push. Getting on the plane from the tarmac, we waited for our turn, but our turn never came. Finally, Ania remembered her Communist instincts and pushed her butt into the line, blocking it for me. Once in the plane, she grabbed the bulkhead seats (for Bill and Collette and Shirley) and had me occupy two seats for us.
The plane was hot. And loud. It was an old turboprop that vibrated and shook but seemed airworthy nonetheless. The crew consisted of the captain and the flight attendant. We were surprised when the flight attendant served candies from a tray. And then yogurt. And then sandwiches. And then tea poured from a stainless steel kettle. And then at the end soft drinks and water. Everything hand carried, no cart.
My unwashed observation: In Western countries, you are promised everything and maybe given a little. In post-Communist countries, you are promised nothing, but you might get more than you expect.
The ride from Karaganda airport to our hotel was bumpy and wet. The weather has been very rainy, and the snow has been melting, so the main route from the airport was flooded and we went an alternate route. In the dark, all we could see was a lot of flat land with a lot of water on it.
As we checked in at the Valut Transit Hotel the desk clerk yelled out in Russian to one of the housekeeping personnel, “Amyerika priyehala!” (“America has arrived!”). She didn’t know that Ania understands some Russian. Ha ha.
We were still not used to the time change and we were ready for food at midnight. Fortunately the restaurant in the hotel is open 24 hours a day. Unfortunately, there was no English menu. Fortunately (again) Ania, when hungry, knows enough Russian to order food. It’s especially helpful when she approaches the waitress by saying in Russian “I’m sorry. My Russian is very bad, so you need to help me so we can order food.” The waitress was very helpful and the food was very good.
Tomorrow is our big day. We will go to the baby house and meet the children. Our attorney, Tamara, emphasized how important it will be to look healthy and rested.
Today we came to the Malutka Children’s Home to meet the children available for adoption and choose who will come home with us. Tamara, our lawyer, and Lena, our translator, accompanied us on a tour of the children’s home led by Dr. Svetlana (not sure of her last name). Dr. Svetlana took us to eight different rooms where we saw about 30 children. During the tour we took pictures with our digital camera and wrote down the names of all of the kids and the numbers of the rooms they were in. After that we went to the big playroom and we were able to individually see the kids that we liked during the tour. We spent the following two days getting to know different kids that we were interested in. By the third day we had made our decisions. We chose a 17-month-old boy, Konstantin, and a 9-month-old girl, Aisulu.
Kostya (short for Konstantin) was in the first room on our tour. He had a bucket and a ball and wanted us to play with him, handing us the ball so we could put it in the bucket and then retrieving the ball and handing it to us again.
Aisulu was in the last room we went to. She was the only child in her room available for adoption. The caregiver held her up in the air and called her “nasha krasavitza” (“our beauty”).
It felt right. Kostya made a great impression on us from the moment we saw him, because he was so smart, able and playful, but at the same time a little scared and vulnerable. He snuggled up with Ania, accepting all of the affection he was getting.
Aisulu stole our hearts with her smiles, her big brown eyes, curiosity, and endless energy. Once we had her in our arms it felt like she belonged there. We had not heard her cry yet...maybe she doesn’t know how?
When we go to court next week, we will keep Kostya’s first name and add Walter (after Ken’s grandfather) as a middle name, so he will be Konstantin Walter Benson. We will rename Aisulu as Marlena, but keep her name as her middle name, so she will be Marlena Aisulu Benson. We have difficulty pronouncing Aisulu correctly (there seem to be several versions), but her name means “moon beauty” in Kazak, so we had to keep it!
We feel very lucky and grateful that we were given this opportunity to come here and adopt these two wonderful, perfect children! Words can’t express what a wonderful feeling it is...we will do our best to be good parents to them.
The children’s home is very clean (sterile clean), with walls and stairs painted pink. The first thing you notice walking in is the tropical temperature. Last time we checked it was 84° F. They believe children are supposed to be kept warm. Even though 130 children reside at Malutka it is very quiet most of the time. Occasionally you will hear music played and very infrequently a baby crying. Every room has a steady routine: feeding, playing, napping. The caregivers are all very nice and affectionate toward the children. The younger children spend all of their time in their rooms. For example, Kostya was very afraid to go to the big playroom with us, sobbing for the longest time because (we think) that was his first time out of his room. When we brought him back to his room he was a completely different child, running around, laughing, playing, hugging the caregivers. The caregivers love the children very much but at the same time want the children to find homes. They will tell you all the good things about the child you are interested in and are overjoyed when a child is chosen. Most of the children are potty trained at the age of 2. When Ania went to pick up Kostya this afternoon, she saw six little ones (1–1½ year olds) sitting on their potties without complaint. Very cute, check out the picture near the bottom of the page.
Today’s entry is going to be about the city of Karaganda, the people, and living in the hotel.
Our first impression of Karaganda was one of mud. The winter ice was melting, and they use dirt on the roads and sidewalks here instead of plowing, so the end of winter looked pretty bad as everything surfaced. Already in the five days we’ve been here, they’ve cleaned up a lot of the dirt, the sun has come out, and a lot of the water has drained. We probably won’t be here long enough to see things green up, though.
The driving here is best described as evasive. Cars avoid potholes, and then avoid each other as they swerve away from the huge holes in the road. There are no lane lines, and the roads are wide, so there’s a lot of room to swerve. Drivers often seem to be aiming for oncoming cars, or for pedestrians, and then turning wildly at the last second. Funny thing is, the oncoming cars and the pedestrians are used to it. Nobody panics, and I haven’t seen a single accident. As the ice has melted, the road has gotten better, but Karaganda still makes Manhattan look smooth.
A prominent feature on the flat landscape here is the public hot water system. Everywhere we go, we see very large pipes (maybe 3 ft in diameter), which provide hot water for the city. On April 15th, they will turn off the hot water, and everyone here who is hot (only us Americans, I think), will be very happy. Temperature here is regulated using the open-window method. There probably isn’t much emphasis on insulation, since the hot water is not only free, but uncontrollable (no thermostats, no valves to close).
The Valut Transit Hotel is probably a mid-range hotel for Karaganda, but in the U.S. it would probably not rate very high. However, we’re not here for a vacation, so as long as we’ve got a clean bed and good food (there’s a lot of that around!), then we’re happy. The first day we were here, Lena (the translator) showed up with a “computer technician” who set up internet access (actually, all he did was set up a dial-up account) and got us connected to the world. The connection is slow and has lots of static, but it works. There is a restaurant on the first floor (no English menu) where we have been having breakfast every morning. If you want to be safe, remember “ome-lee-ett” (omelet). Whoever said you can’t get coffee here was wrong. Just order coffee...it’s usually Nescafe instant. I haven’t seen any brewed coffee yet.
The first day we were here, the driver for our agency showed up with two big bags full of appliances. There’s a microwave, two coffee makers, two electric kettles, a little two burner electric stove, a hot plate, an iron, a hair dryer, a curling iron, and an assortment of pots, pans, dishes, silverware, openers, and electric adaptors. And if we wanted to buy some other appliance, there are several places to buy appliances within a 5 minute walk. So don’t bother bringing a coffeemaker.
Almost all the people here live in apartment buildings. They are everywhere, and they look like projects, but they are just the most efficient way of housing a lot of people. There are probably good neighborhoods and bad ones, but they all look the same to us. A lot of the buildings are painted or tiled a pretty aqua blue. We asked Lena, who said that the same construction firm built all of the blue buildings, and the blue color is their trademark. This may also be a little patriotic, since this is the same blue as in the Kazakhstan flag.
Shoes are big here. When we go out shopping, about every third store is a shoe store. (Ania loves it here.) In particular, the pointy shoe seems to be the pinnacle of high fashion right now. Not just for women, either. I saw a man today walking down the stairs in front of me and his shoes were so long that about a third of the shoe hung off the edge of the step. We don’t have a picture yet, but this is high on our list. Leather is also big here. Leather everything: leather pants, leather jackets...yesterday I saw a man wearing a leather baseball cap. My theory is that people like the leather because it’s so easy to wipe off the mud. Okay, maybe they just like leather.
There are at least four “mini-mall” buildings within a five-minute walk full of little boutiques, kind of like our shopping malls, but each store only fits about three people at a time. You can buy pretty much whatever you want, especially if what you want is shoes (but not if your feet are really big). You can buy any clothes you need for a baby, you can buy toys, you can buy baby food in the supermarket. In general, the prices and quality are a little lower than in the U.S. If you’re thinking of bringing baby clothes or baby food, don’t waste the weight. We haven’t found formula yet, but maybe we’re just not looking in the right places. By the way, the supermarkets here have an incredible selection of exotic foods like smoked fish, caviar, and all different kinds of kielbasa. They also have a great selection of prepared foods, perfect for living in a hotel with a microwave.
The other way to eat is in restaurants. The food here is great, very heavy, but delicious. Tough to find vegetables. “Salad” here means something like what we expect chicken salad to be in the U.S.: some meat, some mayo, maybe just a little of some kind of vegetable. Sometimes they have three or four kinds of meats in a salad, but you won’t find a green salad. The food is ridiculously cheap. We’ve been spending about $20 for a group of five to eat dinner. In the hotel, three of us get breakfast for about $9. Portions are decent, but realistic. We haven’t had to ask for a doggy bag yet. Restaurants with English menus are in short supply. Bill and Collette told us about a fancy restaurant up closer to their apartment that is somewhat more expensive but has an English menu. And there’s a place called “Mario Pizza” on the main drag perpendicular to the other main drag behind the hotel (sorry, I don’t know street names yet, and if I did, I don’t know how I would make them appear in your browser in Cyrillic). We haven’t been to Mario Pizza yet, but even if they don’t have anything in English, I bet we could order some, uh, pizza.
“Restaurant” is one of the easy words in Russian. All the letters match letters in our alphabet. Look for “PecTopaH”. (P’s are R’s, C’s are S’s, H’s are N’s—Sound it out and you’ve got “Ress-toe-ron”.)
I get the feeling that labor is cheap here. I see futility in work, things like a man shoveling water into a bucket, or a road worker sweeping the road with a homemade stick broom. Construction techniques seem to follow no codes, and safety is rarely a concern. Expect to find lots of things to trip over, holes to fall into, uneven steps, and hot coffee with no warning printed on it. If you slip on the ice in front of the hotel, no one will laugh, but if you try to sue, people will think it’s hilarious.
We have been seeing our kids twice a day every day except for Sunday when we see them only once. This is our 15-day bonding period before we are able to legally adopt them in court. All of us new parents here decided that this is a good thing. We all have to get used to each other: us getting used to holding little hands and the thought that we will be responsible for them until they grow up, and them to learn to trust us and rely on us and be willing to go with us wherever we take them. It’s been fun observing how the children change the more we come to see them. For example, Kostya: The first day we took him to the playroom, he cried because he was scared of us and scared of being out of his room. The second day, as we entered his room to pick him up, Kostya plopped down on the floor with terror in his eyes. The third time, he came with us to the playroom without protest. Things got better and better, and now we’re at the point that he runs toward us when we arrive. A funny thing happened this morning. When we came in to get him, he was sitting diligently on his potty, and when he saw us, he started scooting his potty across the floor to get to us. He was obeying the rules (not getting off his potty), but he was still compelled to get closer to us.
We, on the other hand, were very cautious playing with the kids. We were afraid of breaking them or upsetting them in some way. Now if you could look into the playroom, you would see us throwing them up in the air and rolling them around and giving them belly rides. Occasionally we upset them, but it’s easy to stop the crying. And imagine this: We’re even saying “No” when they misbehave (actually when Kostya misbehaves, which he’s getting more and more comfortable doing).
In general, the younger the kids are, the less time they need for bonding. Marlena, for example, required about two seconds. Ania just picked her up and they were in love. Then Ania handed her to me, and said “Hold this baby. Isn’t she great?” And I was smitten. Getting a smile from her is no more difficult than talking to her or rubbing her belly. She’s had a fever for the last two days, but she continues to be in a good mood, although you can see she’s uncomfortable. Marlena has had great progress since we got to know her. When we first got her, she could remain sitting up only with help. Yesterday, Ania called me over for something, and I left her sitting without any support. I expected her to fall over, but she didn’t. Since that time, we still sit her down, but we no longer have to hold her up. And Ania has been working with her on furniture walking. This morning one of the caregivers reported to us that they found her standing up in her crib—a first!
Another thing we had to learn was how to feed, clothe, and diaper our kids. Ania has some experience in this area, but for me everything was new. We think we must be good entertainment for the very experienced caregivers. We don’t feed them fast enough (these kids are used to very fast feeding, and if they don’t get the food fast enough, they cry). We forget to put on socks (dressing warm is very important here). Ania had to instruct me this morning which part of the diaper was the front (no one ever gave me diaper lessons). Even though we’re baby novices, the caregivers have been nothing but gracious. It continues to surprise me that they’re happy about us amateurs taking their kids away. Ania was talking to one of the caregivers, who told her “This is a good place. They have nice clothes and a lot of food, but without a Mommy and Daddy, it’s nothing.”
Both we and the Wades have been working on getting our older kids (Kostya and Damir) used to the idea of leaving the building. First we started by walking them down the hallways and down the stairs and to different rooms, and the last two days we’ve been taking them outside to walk around the building. We’ve been showing them the cars that the orphanage uses to transport people. Kostya doesn’t like wind or sun, probably because he’s never really experienced either one.
We’ve moved out of the hotel and into an apartment. The apartment has two bedrooms, a kitchen, and a bathroom that looks newly tiled. It is very clean and comfortable, and it’s an easy walk to shopping. It came furnished with two cribs and a stroller, so we have the essentials. We’ll probably buy a walker for Marlena and a couple of other little things. This morning we went shopping for baby food. Earlier this week we bought some clothes for Kostya and Marlena. It’s hard to believe, but they’re going to be here living with us in a week!
We had a nice, quiet Easter here, with a little Easter Egg hunt that none of the kids understood, except Bill and Collette’s Damir (2 years old), who got the concept quickly after being shown the first two eggs. Some of the caregivers invited us to share their little celebrations with them. In each room the caregivers had tea and cake and decorated eggs. When we brought Marlena back to her room, Nadia and Zhumabiki invited us to sit down and socialize with them. I was trying to politely say no, since we were on our way out, but Ania let me know it was important to accept this invitation, so we both got cups of tea and sat and talked for a few minutes (okay, Ania talked, I just sat there wondering what they were saying).
Supermarket is another one of the easy Russian words (looks like “CynepmapkeT”). Supermarkets are smaller and organized somewhat differently. Expect different proportions from what you’re used to seeing. For instance, there’s generally a liquor aisle and a tea aisle (an entire aisle for tea!), but if you find potato chips or cereal, you must be really searching. You can find staples like flour and sugar, but fresh vegetables are limited to long shelf-life veggies like potatoes, onions, and carrots, and hothouse veggies like cucumbers and tomatoes. No lettuce, no broccoli. We’ve seen oranges and bananas and some mummified pineapples, but none of the fresh, flown-in-daily-from-California stuff we’re used to.
Expect to be followed around, or at least stared at. Supermarkets here usually have a few people (men) just for security. They watch, they stare, they get in the way. I used to think security cameras were an invasion of privacy; now I have some perspective.
Ania got out her camera in one particularly nice supermarket. She checked with our translator, Lena, first, and then started taking some pictures. Shortly after, a burly security man approached her and asked her if she had a permit to take pictures there. Of course she answered no, but the security man offered to check with the supervisor. Ania told him no, she didn’t need pictures, but he checked anyway and later came back looking for her telling us that it was okay to take pictures. Later we all tried to decide what would happen if we started taking pictures in a U.S. supermarket. Maybe something similar? We don’t know anyone who’s tried.
After living in the hotel, we really enjoy the apartment. It’s clean, well lit, and it’s got a nice kitchen with a gas stove and electric refrigerator. It’s got a TV for watching videos (lots of leftover videos here), and we’ve been doing our own laundry in the bathtub and drying it on the radiators. Bring clothes that are easy to wash and dry and expect some wrinkles. The towels here are thin and few and far between (this goes for the hotel as well). If you can spare the weight, bring a couple of towels.)
As our court date approaches, we’ve been accumulating more and more baby stuff. We’ve gotten some more clothing, toys, and a little potty for Kostya. Today we brought home two bags of Pampers. Tomorrow we will buy a walker for Marlena.
Today we were interviewed by the social worker who will testify on the children’s behalf in court on Friday. She was stern, no smiles, no eye contact. But the questions were simple, and she told us there should be no problems in court. Kostya didn’t seem to be intimidated by her at all. The whole time during the interview, he was bouncing on my lap and trying to blow into a toy horn. Occasionally he got it to work, punctuating the scary interview with toots.
Twice we’ve seen sessions for the older kids with puppet shows, music, dance, and contests. The older children are taught some traditional Kazak dances, and everything is accompanied by live piano music. There are pictures of one of the sessions on Page 4.
We can see changes before our very eyes. It’s that fast. Since we started visiting them, Marlena has started furniture walking and she’s gotten better at sitting, and Kostya smiles and tries to talk more (he also gets into trouble and throws tantrums more often). Bill and Collette’s Stefan has started walking unassisted. In the past few days, Damir has gotten much happier. He’s the oldest of the four (their two and our two), and it’s like he finally realized a few days ago that Bill and Collette were his for good.
Leaving Kostya and Marlena in their rooms at the end of the play sessions has gotten more and more difficult. Kostya cries when we leave him, so we’ve begun leaving very quickly. Marlena doesn’t cry while we’re there, but her caregivers say she cries later.
Only one more day of visiting, and then we go to court. We’re a little nervous, but we expect everything to go well. After court, we will have a little party at the orphanage, and then we get to take our kids back here to the apartment!
It’s official. Some time around 10 a.m., Kostya and Marlena legally became our children. Court was kind of nerve-wracking. We were told that the man usually does the talking in court, and I’m not the best public speaker. So when the judge asked the same question twice (“Why are you in court today?”), I answered it twice...with the same answer: “We are here to adopt Kostya and Aisulu”. I found out later that the judge was looking for a longer answer, something like “We’ve been visiting these two children for two weeks and have fallen in love with them and want you to allow us to take them home with us.”
Oh well. We got them anyway.
Advice for future adopting parents: Listen to what the judge is saying, even though you don’t understand him. Listen to your translator, but do not look at her. Answer the judge’s questions by speaking clearly and directly to him. Do not speak to your translator. The judge wants to know that he is speaking to you and that you are answering him. If he sees you talking to your translator, he might think you’re being coached.
After the judge read the pronouncements, there was much crying and hugging (no hugging the judge), and we went back to the orphanage with cakes and drinks and had a little party with the orphanage director, the orphanage doctors, our lawyer, and our translator. The orphanage director told us that should we have any problems during the next two weeks, such as children getting sick, or advice on their routines, or even if we needed a babysitter so we could do some shopping, they would help us out. Tamara (our lawyer) told us that if we need a ride to the market, or anywhere else, if we call Lena she would arrange a driver for us. Later this afternoon we will go back to the orphanage with our baby clothes and dress our babies and take them home to the apartment.
After years of waiting, we are finally parents!
We’ve been through three nights now with Kostya and Marlena, and we’re beginning our third full day. The nights are easier. :^)
They eat a lot. Besides eating, we play, we take baths, we change diapers, and we dress and undress them when we go out, which hasn’t been much because it’s been cold here. Last night we got three inches of snow. Snow here is different, because no one removes it. It just compacts into ice and gets covered in dirt and melts very slowly. The snow this morning was a real downer for us. Is it ever going to get nice here? It is supposed to be spring! We would like to get our new family home, where the flowers smile at the sun!!!
Yesterday we bundled up the kids and went to the Wade’s apartment. The kids played for a few hours, but then we had to come back here for naps. We traded movies with them. Both apartments have a selection of VHS movies, but we were running out. We brought movies to watch on the computer, but the TV is bigger.
Kostya has temper tantrums. We think that he’s upset because we don’t pay attention to him all the time. When we were just visiting twice a day at Malutka, we had nothing to do except pay attention to them. There was always one parent for each kid, so he had someone’s complete attention for every play period. Now we need to make dinner, clean, prepare food for them, go shopping, or work on the computer. The equation is different, and he doesn’t get as much individual attention. The only way we know how do deal with his bad behavior is by ignoring his screaming. So our neighbors must think we’re child abusers. It would be much easier if we could take them outside a couple of times a day. It would make it much more interesting for them and for us. Hopefully the weather will improve sometime soon...
Marlena makes up for Kostek’s misbehaviors. She is always happy unless she is hungry. She keeps herself busy in the walker and she is just as happy if we put her on the floor. She laughs any time you tickle her, very ladylike laughter...Grandma Marysia will love it. Marlena observes everybody all the time, especially her brother. She has been doing more crawling on all fours. It is kind of difficult for her because the linoleum floors in here are very slippery. She loves to jump up and down with our assistance, preferably forever, but there is limit to how long we can do it.
Both kids are great sleepers. They go to sleep about 8:30 and sleep until 7:30. Marlena wakes up around 5 a.m. hungry. We feed her bottle of formula and she goes back to sleep until Kostek gets up. In the afternoon they take naps from about 12 to about 3. We are working on getting them on the same schedule for feeding and sleeping. They go to sleep with very little complaining. We put them in their cribs, close the door, they fuss a little or not at all and fall asleep. Not too bad! Both kids absolutely love their baths. They splash and laugh and splash some more. In Malutka they got bathed in a large metal basin and didn’t get to enjoy it for very long, so this is a treat for them. They don’t mind getting their hair washed either. We have been enjoying the bath time, because it makes them so happy.
Well, that is all for today. We miss everybody back home.
Our friend Norman says there are two things that people always know how to do better than you: How to spend your money, and how to raise your kids. So here we are, asking for advice...really, we’ve got questions, and I know you all out there have answers.
For instance, we’ve been singing the kids to sleep. Well, not really. Actually we’ve been singing for about 5 minutes, and then putting them in their cribs and waiting for the screaming to stop. It usually only lasts for about 5 minutes, and once it only lasted for about 5 seconds. It’s always Kostek. Marlena will scream too, but she’s just screaming at Kostek to shut up. So we discovered we don’t know any songs. We’ve been singing “Wheels on the Bus”, mostly. Tonight, Ania came up with “Old MacDonald”, but when she told me we’re supposed to add to the animal sounds every verse, I decided I needed to write it down. (Sorry, poor memory.) So we need nursery songs. Send ’em to adoptions at pegtype dot com.
Another area we’d like your advice on is behavior modification. Somewhere along the line I managed to teach both kids to spit. Not like carefully aiming a gob of saliva at someone, but like putting your tongue between your lips and blowing. I actually showed Kostek a modified version of this (putting your lips together and making them vibrate, like horses do), and it was a lot of fun until he discovered that if he stuck a nice wet tongue in between the lips, he could transfer that wetness to the outside world. When he saw the reaction it gets he liked it even more. And then Marlena started copying him. Generally we try to stop giving him attention when he does it (he likes to do it when I’m holding him above my face). Is this the right way?
And then there’s thumb-sucking. It seemed like all the kids in Malutka sucked their thumbs or their fingers. Kostek has a blister from doing it so much. Marlena usually sucks two fingers. To make things worse, people here seem particularly strongly opposed to it. Four times already, strangers on the street have “helped” us by removing a digit from a mouth. Our approach is the same: pull the hand away from the face, gently but firmly. But we’re not there all the time, and even when we are, we can’t spend all our time interfering. Kostek thinks it’s a game: “Parent pulls my thumb out, I put it back in. Repeat game until parent gives up. I win.” We’ve tried rolling Marlena’s sleeves back into her coat when we’re outside. She doesn’t like it at first, but she gets used to it. Is there a better way?
(Note: We’ve been educated. Thumb-sucking is okay, probably even therapeutic. This was a really easy solution. —Ken)
A lot of people have asked what size clothes they wear. We’re still figuring it out. We bought the first clothes for them before we left, and our guesses (actually Ania’s guesses) were surprisingly accurate given we didn’t know what size children we would adopt. Most of the rest of the clothes we bought for them we bought the day before court. At the time I kept telling Ania not to buy too much, that it would be easier once we actually got them and could bring them to the store and actually try stuff on. I was so innocent. Now I know that the best way to buy clothes for kids—the best way to buy anything—is without the kids. That probably doesn’t change until they want to buy their own clothes.
Anyway, Kostek fits into 18–24 month clothing. Marlena fits into 9–12 month clothing.
This place is the epitome of what Americans think of as rusting Soviet leftovers. Everything here is old, patched, flimsy, and surprisingly dangerous. And although we are seeing some wimpy tulips coming up, we are in the nicest part of town and the predominant color here still is mud. Every day we see people out cleaning up the dirt, but it all looks so futile. Yesterday I saw a woman washing the marble stairs and sidewalk outside of the bank with a rag. We routinely see people sweeping the street with straw brooms. And Bill Wade told me he saw four men cutting up a tree with two-man saws. Instead of wheelbarrows (or cement mixers) they mix cement here in a sort of wooden tray carried by two men. On the other hand, we see Land Rovers and Hummers avoiding the potholes here all the time. It’s like 18th century Manhattan invaded by the nouveau riche.
We’ve spent some time in the park lately, where winter continues to end. It is getting cleaned up, and today we saw two open-air cafes getting ready to open. They’ve been painting and sweeping the dirt off the dirt, so it is getting better, but I continue to marvel at the sheer number of lawsuits that aren’t being made. Today we found a 30-foot deep sewer with the manhole cover missing. And trying to go anywhere with wheels is amazingly difficult. I’m used to thinking of curbs as something you have to step off; here you step over curbs, big ones. The city was planned with tunnels under the big roads, which makes a lot of sense here, given that pedestrians are expected to watch out for cars (not the other way around). And they even put ramps on the stairs, but the ramps just consist of two 12-inch wide strips of steel laid on top of the steps. There’s a picture of one of these ramps at the bottom of Page 5. I’m not sure how you would get up or down it with a wheelchair. Maybe on a wheelchair with a motorized winch. It’s hard enough with a stroller.
And maybe I should complain a little more about the drivers. It wasn’t too bad when we were at Malutka every day. We saw it from the car, and it was scary, but at least we were in the car. Now we’re walking around every day, mostly with kids in strollers, and we have to be really careful. If you’re walking on the sidewalk and you cross a driveway, you are expected to know whether some crazy is coming up behind you with his turn signal on. And crossing at a crosswalk with the walk light on is something you do quickly and cautiously here, because they don’t always stop for red lights, and they certainly don’t wait for pedestrians once the light turns green again (which it does before you reach the other side, unless you run). When we first got here, we wondered why this is such a young and able city. There are very few old people, and almost no disabled people. Now I know why. They all got run over because they weren’t able to cross the street fast enough.
On the first day of May I took Kostek and Marlenka for a walk before their nap. To our surprise, we heard loud music coming from speakers on the main street near our apartment. We followed the music and discovered there was a big parade coming toward us. The speakers went silent and the marching band started playing. Kostek was enjoying it tremendously, rocking side to side in his stroller. This was the May 1st parade, part of Labor Day as celebrated in Soviet and Central European countries.
Following the band there were a couple of floats, lots of kids and adults marching in colorful, traditional Kazak, Russian, German, and Korean outfits. This year is the 70th anniversary of Karaganda becoming a city, so there were great festivities. The parade ended at Karaganda’s Lenin Square, where there was a stage set up. The event was covered by television crews. The local police stood out in the crowd with their pretentious, oversized, frisbee-like police hats. After speeches by city officials welcoming the participants and guests in Kazak and Russian, the live performances followed. There were children and adults presenting dances, singing music, and—surprisingly—hand combat techniques.
The festivities continued throughout the day and extended from the stage all the way down to the park mentioned in the last entry. The park came alive with all the rides working, crowds of people with children, live music, shish-ke-bab and gyro stands all over the place, cotton candy, concession stands, balloons, portrait artists, and big cauldrons steaming with a mysterious food, looking like hot kasha (barley) with spices. Everyone was enjoying this sunny May day, except Ken, working hard on his computer on the coffee table all alone back in the apartment...
We leave here for Almaty May 11, and we can all feel the end of our journey is coming. We’re starting to think about using up the food we’ve bought, stocking up on formula and baby food for Almaty, and making sure all the laundry is clean. After the clinic and the embassy in Almaty, we plan on returning to the U.S. May 15, assuming Lufthansa has seats for us.
Both kids have been sick with some version of a cold virus that’s been going around Malutka. They probably left there with it and it blossomed after we got to the apartment. Of course, we got it too. But as the sun has come out, the viruses have been beaten back, and everyone has gotten happier. At one point, we asked Lena for a doctor for Marlena, and she got Marlena’s doctor at Malutka, Dr. Lubov, to make a housecall—in about 45 minutes! More advice for future adopting parents: You can’t bring enough Infant Tylenol (and Infant Robitussin, and Infant Ibuprofen) with you. You can’t get it here, and if you really come out with some left over, the caregivers at Malutka would be happy to take it off your hands. Don’t bring just one bottle (like we did). If we leave on May 15, we will have been here with the kids for a little over 4 weeks. And don’t forget yourself either: Malutka is very clean, but it’s a place where 130 children live, and when one gets sick, they all get it, so you will too. For yourself, bring a big bottle of ibuprofen, two bottles of Robitussin, and some Imodium. If there are any other meds you think you might need, bring them. You either can’t get them here, or if you can, they’re called something different. Unlike in the supermarket, stuff in the pharmacy can’t be bought by the picture on the box. And everything is behind the counter, so you have to be able to ask for it. You actually can get ibuprofen here—just ask for “eebuprofen” instead of “eyebuprofen”. It comes in little foil packs, 10 200 mg pills to a pack. The cost works out to something slightly less than a penny a pill.
I know I wrote about restaurants before, but we’ve learned so much more. We’ve found only one restaurant with an English menu here: The Grand. It’s expensive, but it’s worth trying. The places we like the best are the ones where you can see the food, because you don’t have to deal with a menu. Many of the restaurants and other establishments are not clearly marked. Some have no sign at all. One of our favorite places is in the mall (a term I use loosely) closest to the hotel, way in the back, next to the currency exchange. No one there speaks English, but they’re very nice. You get a plate, take the food you want, eat, and then ask for a check. We finally tried Mario Pizza (with the kids). We expected to be able to just order pizza, but they didn’t have pizza out to choose from, and the menu—once Ania deciphered it for us—contained pizzas by name in Russian. We finally decided on something, and Ania approached the cash register. Before Ania could begin speaking, the woman behind the register blurted out in Russian “You don’t speak Russian, and I don’t speak English, so I can’t help you.” She was kind of surprised when Ania did speak Russian. As we have come to expect here, despite the service, the pizza was good. It was small, though, a little bit bigger than a personal pan pizza.
We have also gone to a place called Aladdin (where they have a small kids’ play area with a slide and some things to climb on). They had decent food already prepared (including pizza) that you could point to. Another place we’ve been to a number of times is Bon Apetit, a restaurant where we ended up with our own personal waitress. Every time we went there, she would show up smiling, and she and Ania would work out the order. No English anywhere, but all the food was good. After we got the kids, Ania ran into her in the mall, and she asked why we hadn’t been there for awhile, and when Ania told her we’ve been eating at home because of the kids, she said “Why? Come to the restaurant. Kids are welcome!” So we did. I discovered that if I give Kostek his own chair, he’s not as wiggly as if I tried to hold him. We also found out that he knows how to use a straw!
Probably the best place we’ve been to we just tried last night. It’s called Assorti (but spelled in Russian), and it’s the place where we bought cakes for the after-court celebration. No English menu, but one woman (the owner maybe?) speaks some English, and they had some food already prepared that we could point to. They also had a salad bar, the first green salad with no meat in it we’ve had since we got here. They were kid-friendly, and the food was very good and inexpensive. Save room for dessert. Ask your translator to show you where it is. It’s just a little out of the way, but worth finding. While we were there, we ran into a group of five other Americans who were also adopting.
Other places we’ve eaten: The Barrel (name in Russian again, though). It’s close to the hotel, entrance is shaped like a wooden barrel. No English anything, but if you’re feeling adventurous, the food was good, and the atmosphere was, well, like being in a barrel. Interesting. The hotel restaurant was passable, and open 24 hours. You can’t go wrong with an omelet and coffee, mostly because they’ll understand you if you ask for that. We’ve also figured out that “Camca” (pronounced “somm-sa”) is a pastry, kind of like not-sweet baklava with meat or cheese in it. These are sold in little booths, about the size of a New York City newsstand, usually with a big Camca sign on the front, for about the equivalent of 22 cents each. You have to be able to ask for either “mienso” or “serum” (meat or cheese). And of course, all different kinds of ice cream bars are sold on the street in every kind of weather from little freezers by little women.
Specialization is important here. Sure, you can buy most of the food you need at the supermarket. But if you want good produce and fresh eggs, go to the street vendors. The stuff they have at the supermarket is limited and usually pretty old. The supermarket also has a selection of baby food. But if you want the stuff the kids will eat (they like just about all the Hipp foods), you have to go to the baby food store (I think the sign says simply “Baby” in English). The baby food store also has big packages of diapers and wipes. The supermarket seems determined to sell all their diapers (all they’ve got left right now are small packages of very large diapers) before they order more, and we cleaned them out of wipes about a week ago. Even Mickey House, which we first thought would be something like Toys R Us, turned out to be a collection of about a dozen permanent vendors in one place. One sells toys, another sells strollers, another sells cribs and high chairs, and a few more sell kids clothes.
Shopping with the kids has been exciting. The supermarket is tight, and Kostek in his stroller wants to touch things, usually things that break, but occasionally people. Two days ago, as we were going through the turnstile at the entrance to the supermarket, he decided to “reach out and touch someone”, someone who was wearing a black leather miniskirt. I wanted to apologize to the victim of Kostek’s indiscretions, but the only “polite” words I could come up with were “Please” (“Please may I let him do it again?”) or “Thank you” (“Thank you for letting my son fondle you?”). Neither one seemed particularly appropriate, so I decided the best course of action would be to move quickly to another part of the store. I need to ask Ania how to say sorry.
Kostek rides back to the apartment in his stroller with a 5 liter bottle of water between his legs, something he has been surprisingly accepting of. It probably helps that we let them play with the empties.
After May 11, we will lose our internet connection, since we will be leaving Karaganda. We should have one extra day in Almaty after getting visas. Hopefully we will spend it sightseeing, but no one will be able to know about it until after we get home (unless I dig up an internet cafe). More important, we will no longer be connected to the world, and we may even have to pick up the phone. So if you want to write to us (at adoptions at pegtype dot com), do it now. We might be able to post one more entry before we leave for Almaty.
Oh, boy, are we ready to go! A few days in Almaty and then we will be back to the land of dishwashers, cars (that we get to drive), laundromats, and people that smile if they stare at you. Right now, I think I would sell my soul for a Chicken Caesar Salad. By the time you read this, we’ll probably be on our way (or at least we will be packing).
This weekend Karaganda celebrated Victory Day, the day World War II ended. On Saturday, there were different kinds of running races in the street. On Sunday, the park was filled with people enjoying music, eating shish-ke-bab, and getting tans (well, not really, they’re all still wearing jackets and hats). There were probably a lot of other celebrations that we missed. The weather has been very nice, and we’ve been out exploring a lot. There’s not much left to see within walking distance.
On Saturday afternoon, we all went to a local museum, where we saw exhibits on mining and Karaganda history and a few fossils. We and the Wades were the only ones at the museum, so we had the place to ourselves. There was much wiggling from the kids, and Ania and I are having a hard time remembering much beyond that. Probably better to wait until they’re both walking and can contain the impulse to bang on every piece of glass they find.
A strange thing happened to me on the way to the park the other day. As I was walking along the sidewalk, a large dog poop landed a few feet in front of me. Of course, I looked up so I could see what a flying dog looks like, but instead I saw a bird flying away. I’ve seen these birds before: they’re black and white, about the size of a crow, and we always see them picking at garbage, sometimes fighting noisily over something. We see a lot of pigeons here too, but at least they aren’t big enough to pick up dog poop and drop it on (or near) unsuspecting Americans.
On that note, I have to say goodnight. We will make the next entry after we get home, May 15, if everything works as planned.
Wow! Have we really been home a whole month already? Sorry for the long delay in posting. We just found a mountain of stuff to do when we got home, and it took us awhile to stop waking up at all the wrong times.
After Karaganda, Almaty was beautiful: green and lush, signs that I could read, and oh-so-close to home. We didn’t notice it on our way through the first time, but things there are a lot more expensive. The hotel was about $100 a night, restaurants cost $50 for two with kids (about $16 in Karaganda). The flight on SCAT Air was uneventful. Same crowd at the gate, same ancient-looking aircraft with bald tires, and same surprisingly good food. It was kind of hard to eat with Kostek sitting on my lap, but I’m pretty good at eating. He was happy for about 15 minutes, and then he cried for about an hour, and then he finally slept the last 45 minutes. I don’t think he was scared; mainly I think he just didn’t like being held in one place for so long. Marlena was awake for the whole trip, bouncing on Ania’s lap.
The hotel in Almaty was quite nice, but small for two kids. We discovered that we could hang out with the Wades in the elevator common area while the kids were napping. Actually we found we could hang out there when the kids were awake too.
We managed to do everything we needed to do in Almaty in a little over two days. On the first full day (the 12th), we went to the SOS Clinic, where we were given the medical seal of approval for Immigration. Then we quickly got some pictures taken, and Almaz rushed our papers off to the Embassy. Almaz took us to the Lufthansa office (strangely, not at the airport) where we were put on a waiting list for tickets for the 14th. The next day (the 13th) we went to the Embassy, where the woman behind the bulletproof glass congratulated us and told us that she grew up in the same town I was born in. Small world. I forgot to ask her how she ended up in Almaty. She gave us the sealed envelopes and off we went back to Lufthansa, where we were told we had tickets for the 14th, a day earlier than we had planned, and actually that night (since we would have to leave for the airport at 1 a.m.).
A word of advice: Don’t leave your passport at the hotel desk. They will ask for it, but they will be just as happy with a credit card impression. They want to make sure you don’t run off without paying the bill. Everyone seems to think you would prefer to hand over your passport instead of having them take a credit card impression, but Americans are used to using their credit cards this way (can you even get a hotel here without a credit card?), and you would prefer to have your passport with you. You will need it to get plane tickets, you will need it at the Embassy. Besides, which would you rather lose: your passport or an impression of your credit card?
Another word of advice: Don’t buy extra phone cards in Karaganda so you can call from Almaty. The phone cards you buy in Karaganda actually do have Almaty local numbers on them, but Almaty doesn’t have touchtone service, so the hotel phones are pulse only, and the cards will only work if you can type in the access code using tones. There is probably a way around this, but after experimenting for awhile, we concluded that the simplest thing to do would be to just dial it through the hotel’s long-distance phone system and pay whatever charges they came up with. We decided that since the hotel minibar was actually reasonably priced, maybe the phones would also be reasonable. In the end, the charge for two calls to the U.S., each one about 10 minutes, was about $30.
So we got dinner, put the kids to bed at 8, packed everything up, and went to bed for an hour. Of course, we couldn’t sleep, so we were wide awake and ready to go at 1 a.m. when Almaz and Baurzhan showed up to take us to the airport. The kids were not happy to be woken up, but by the time we got to the airport, they were in good spirits, as if it was normal to get up in the middle of the night and go to an airport. They’re so adjustable.
The 4:20 flight from Almaty was quiet. They had no more bulkhead bassinet seats (there were a lot of babies on that flight!), so they gave us a block of four seats, two window seats and two aisle seats. Kostek didn’t like having his own seat, so he sat on my lap for most of the trip, but it was nice to have a place to put stuff (food, blankie). Eventually I got him to fall asleep and I sort of wedged him into the seat next to me.
We arrived in Frankfurt eight hours later at 6 a.m., spent some time eating, feeding babies, changing diapers, and pleading with the ticket agent to give us bulkhead seats. We got them, and the last leg of the flight was much nicer. Marlena slept in her bassinet, Kostek slept on the floor, and we slept (maybe just a little bit) in our seats. Later when everyone woke up, our kids played with the Wade’s kids, since we were all in the same row.
Everyone was there at the airport waiting for us . . . Ania’s sister and brother-in-law and their youngest daughter, my parents. We played with the kids for awhile in the airport, and then got on our way home. My parents drove two cars, good thing because Ania and I were both dizzy by then with exhaustion. The kids cried for awhile in the carseats (no carseats in Kazakhstan, so this particular confinement was new), and then fell asleep. We got home around 6 pm. My parents shopped for us, made us dinner, and helped us get the kids and ourselves to bed.
So, now, a month later, I can see that it actually is possible for two parents to take care of two kids. I’m still doubtful that it’s possible for parents to work (we haven’t gone back to work yet). I remain mystified about how only two parents take care of more than two children. My sister has four children, and yet she only has one husband.
Things have settled down some. People keep visiting us, and we decided it’s actually easier when people come over (it’s like having more than two parents). Ania’s sister and nephew will be arriving tonight, and Ania’s mother will be coming this weekend. Kostek has gotten used to grass (there was no grass in Karaganda), and Marlena is just beginning to stand on her own. Our garden is growing, and Kostek has already figured out where the strawberries are.
Thank you to everyone out there who wrote us (and read us) while we were in Karaganda. You were our link to home, and we read every email hungrily. I’m not sure what we’re going to do with this website in the future, but since it’s here, we’ll probably try to add onto it and make it into a Benson family website.
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